I am certain I do not have Alzheimer’s disease – but I do have some sort of cognitive deficit. I cannot seem to recall the good that’s happened in the past. The times I’ve prayed in desperation for God to bring me company, relief, friends or something and the prayers have been answered seem to disappear to dim memories as quickly as the next day.
Case in point: I “coincidentally” ran into friends this afternoon at the local coffee shop while I was on my way back. Our mere “running into each other” was a gift in and of itself. I had posted earlier on facebook and reached out to friends to see if anyone wanted to go for a walk. These two friends I now encountered I had not realized even lived in my neighborhood. They were delighted to see me and I to see them. As we proceeded on our walk they asked me how I have been spending my time off from school. Promptly I respond “Oh, doing basically nothing. Watching a lot of Grey’s Anatomy” and the conversation went onward from there.
When I separated from them and walked toward my apartment, I noticed a general sense of dis-ease or dishonesty. Why did I first comment about my netflix watching? Just yesterday I did an enormous personal growth exercise. The night before that I celebrated Christmas with my “fake” nephews and their family with whom I have been acquainted with for over five years. In the days before that I have received many answers to prayers, and spent time growing, and socializing with others.
However when the question was asked it was complete amnesia or focus on the lowest activity. Why does my brain forget the good in my life most recently and the God in my life (hence to title of this post)? I now wonder how to remind myself of the goodness in my life and wonder how much this all has to do with building trust. Trust in myself, in God, and in my supports.
Now, I, who was lamenting on loneliness and lack of community am going to a married friend’s for dinner. Yes, I will be the 5th wheel and no I really don’t mind. It’s another answered prayer in my perception especially given my writings earlier.
Brain – please help me remember these good experiences. That I am connected to other people even when I feel alone and isolated. God help me remember and trust that You hear my prayers, have answered them in the past and will continue to be there in the present and future.
Any thoughts whoever may be out there reading? Peace!