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Go(o)d Amnesia

I am certain I do not have Alzheimer’s disease – but I do have some sort of cognitive deficit. I cannot seem to recall the good that’s happened in the past. The times I’ve prayed in desperation for God to bring me company, relief, friends or something and the prayers have been answered seem to disappear to dim memories as quickly as the next day. 

Case in point: I “coincidentally” ran into friends this afternoon at the local coffee shop while I was on my way back. Our mere “running into each other” was a gift in and of itself. I had posted earlier on facebook and reached out to friends to see if anyone wanted to go for a walk. These two friends I now encountered I had not realized even lived in my neighborhood. They were delighted to see me and I to see them. As we proceeded on our walk they asked me how I have been spending my time off from school. Promptly I respond “Oh, doing basically nothing. Watching a lot of Grey’s Anatomy” and the conversation went onward from there. 

When I separated from them and walked toward my apartment, I noticed a general sense of dis-ease or dishonesty. Why did I first comment about my netflix watching? Just yesterday I did an enormous personal growth exercise. The night before that I celebrated Christmas with my “fake” nephews and their family with whom I have been acquainted with for over five years. In the days before that I have received many answers to prayers, and spent time growing, and socializing with others. 

However when the question was asked it was complete amnesia or focus on the lowest activity. Why does my brain forget the good in my life most recently and the God in my life (hence to title of this post)? I now wonder how to remind myself of the goodness in my life and wonder how much this all has to do with building trust. Trust in myself, in God, and in my supports. 

Now, I, who was lamenting on loneliness and lack of community am going to a married friend’s for dinner. Yes, I will be the 5th wheel and no I really don’t mind. It’s another answered prayer in my perception especially given my writings earlier. 

Brain – please help me remember these good experiences. That I am connected to other people even when I feel alone and isolated. God help me remember and trust that You hear my prayers, have answered them in the past and will continue to be there in the present and future.

Any thoughts whoever may be out there reading? Peace!

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What does Community mean in 2012? A reflection on loneliness in young adulthood

As a Public and Community Service major in my undergraduate years I’ve given time and attention to what community means. Over 5 years since my graduation and 1 1/2 years in a social work program I find myself reconsidering what community means especially during this vacation period. With no schoolwork, internship, and most close friends out of town or otherwise occupied, I have had a lot of solitude. 

Solitude and loneliness. 

The loneliness is almost unbearable. It’s depressing and boring. I know parts of my isolation are self-inflicted, but last night I started to think of what role community plays. What does community mean when you’re in your late 20s, single, and live far away from your family of origin (for good reason)?  What does in mean now that your friends are married, engaged, working real jobs and you are single and a graduate student? 

Now add in a blizzard which limits your ability to drive to Sunday morning church. Or perhaps its just a nice excuse to support this agoraphobia that’s been keeping you close to home over this break. 

Really, though, if there wasn’t a blizzard where would I be going? The local coffee shop is comprised of young families with self-interested tendencies. Where do the single young adults go to hang out? That’s a good question for which I do not have an answer. Communities, according to my observation seems to be made up of our families. If you don’t have a great relationship with your family of origin and have not yet made your own family (limbo land) enter loneliness. 

Single young adults, are you home alone like me blogging? Are you living with a houseful of roommates? How many of us are out there? Why are there community centers for senior citizens but not for young adults? Am I one of the only people out there who isn’t in a romantic relationship or living alone without a job that requires all my time and motivation. 

I used to enjoy spending time alone and still do except this doesn’t feel like a choice. This seems close to solitary confinement. The support I so long for isn’t available in my community and the idea of going to the local coffee shops and seeing people who have what I so desperately want seems incredibly depressing. 

Alas I have no ideas or suggestions for other single young adults out there. If you are reading this please- I’m open for suggestions 

 

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The WRITING process:

1. Clean, organize and decorate your space
2. Turn on music, check Facebook, write an email, check Facebook
3. Clean, organize and decorate the rest of your apartment (while you’re at it)
4. Take a break/eat
5. Open up assignment
6. Organize all assignments/readings for the semester
7. Organize the rest of your bills/papers
8. Consider taking a walk
9. Try to remember what your intentions were before steps 1-8 occurred
10. Sit down and attempt to write (but first write a ridiculous facebook post)

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“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.”

Elizabeth Taylor